Gathering a Tribe

Image source Franz88

I’ve posted before about the importance of a tribe. In fact it was almost a year ago that my heart was stirred to share that post with you. I wonder if it’s something about summer days and moon lit nights that bring to mind a circle of love, united and gathered.

I posted on my personal facebook page this morning about my longing to sit in circle with my tribe. I have so many beautiful women in my life and they are all over this country. That is both amazing and painful. I want them here with me today. I want to hold hands and dance around a fire. I want to drink mojito’s with fresh mint and listen to records under twinkle lights.  I want to laugh until we fall to the ground. (I also just watched Divine Secret’s of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. It’s a beautiful story and leaves me hungry for some a few Ya-Ya’s in my life)

My connections with the women that I love has shifted so much over my life. The last few years have brought the most changes. Some people have visibly walked out because they no longer understand who I am, some have simply gotten overwhelmed with things in their own lives, and some are still here but we just connect less. It’s the ebb and flow of how things are and I so get that. But I’ve also made the most soulful connections with women who travel, who parent kids from hard places, who are embarking on their own beginnings and who love a good campfire & great music.

I believe that some of this happens because we forget how valuable these relationships are. We forget that for centuries women have sat in circle with each other. It’s where the deepest healing’s occur, where the fattest tears are shed and where miracles occur. There is so much magical power in sitting with someone else who is willing to say “Yes, me too.”

Sometimes I think that we get to a point where we give up hope in having a circle, a real tangible circle. We take our past hurts and experiences and we form an inaccurate truth about our role and value in having this. But what if we each took one small step? What if instead of hoping to have one BEST friend, you made several connections with different people. I know for me there are so many people that don’t get my love for being a nomad, but if I connected in person with one other woman who “got it” then that would fill my void for needing to connect about traveling. Maybe I could reach out to one other mom who parented a child that came thru trauma. I might not be able to talk to her about my desire to get back on the road, but we could support each other when a tantrum is occurring in the Toys R Us parking lot. Maybe I could find one girl who wanted to meet at the park and hula hoop. BAM, look, I have a tribe. A tangible tribe.

What if you just make one small move to getting this going? What if each of us did? Send a message on facebook to one person who you’d love to connect with face to face. Make it happen. Throw all your change in a jar and start a “meet-up” fund. Lay aside the lies that you don’t have something to offer. Have a tender spot from a past friendship that turned sour? Heal it, love on it and then act on it. Go be a support, show up fully as you and open your heart to what might lie ahead.

I’m sending so much love to each of you reading this. I know it’s hard, I know our lives are busy and sometimes the geography of where we are is tough. But what if there is just one or two other girls in your tiny town or your big city waiting for you? I’m opening my hands and my heart and ready to sit in circle with my tribe. The idea of it is what’s carrying me today.

deep in gratitude

 

I’ve been back in my gratitude practice now for two weeks. It’s been so therapeutic for me. It’s helping me keep my eyes open to the world around me and what’s shifting inside me. If you’ve not joined in, please know that you can do that at any time. You can post them on facebook and tag @milagrogirl so that I can see them or you can post them on twitter and tag them with #maygratitudes.

In the midst of your gratitude, I’d like to encourage you to be thankful for something that’s hard, something that pushed you or challenges you. It gets really beautiful when you can be thankful for even the tough stuff. It also seems to make things not quite as tough when you speak out loud the gratitude for your struggles.

In other news, I’m really loving being a part of the tribe at Roots of She. I’m in good company over there and the other day I spent some time, (quite a bit of it actually) on Amy’s blog. She talks about relationships and bam, this post, hit me hard. If you need a kick in the pants on how to shake up your love life, GO, watch. She’s got tons of good stuff over there.

In settling into our house here, I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been hating on it. Then yesterday I read this post by the lovely Tara Whitney, and within seconds I had big fat tears rolling down my face. For one thing I want to be in a place that even some of my family loves, but in the meantime I’d like to learn to make the most of it here, in this little space.

I’ve been pretty private about it but I was recently diagnosed with some pretty serious heart stuff. It shook my world, it’s shaking my world. I’ve come realize that it goes deep, way more deep than my heart. I’ve been carrying around some sadness and a bit of anger and this has been a huge wake-up call for me. I’m not only changing what I put in my body as far as food, but also what emotions I’m allowing to sit instead of flowing through me. I’m using Tara’s Digging Deep *workbook as past of my healing process. I spent quite a bit of time with it last summer, but I’m realizing it’s time to go deeper, literally. I love that there’s audio so I can listen while I’m walking or snuggled into bed.

In this healing process I’m also spending a ton of time in meditation. I’ve got my phone loaded up with podcast’s and mp3′s so that whenever I need to breathe deeper, there’s something right there. I’m loving Jenn’s Metta in Mantras Meditation. So much gentle kindness in there.

I’m attempting to fill my space with so much positive during this healing time. I’m burning gold nag champa, listening to the new Norah Jones on Spotify per my friend Lindsay. (She sent me the link just last night and I listened as I settled into bed. Her voice is so soothing and the lyrics…mmm. Go listen now.) I’m also purging my space of things that no longer serve me or make me feel wonderful.

In nourishment, I recently did a spring cleanse with Stephanie of Wellness By Design. It wasn’t the kind of cleanse that made me feel tortured and hungry. I ate, and ate well. I came away with lots of great recipes and things I’ve integrated into my daily routines. This was not violent purge, it was gentle and kind. I’ve also been getting a plethora of love from my friend Victoria. (I cannot wait until she has a blog so I can share her with you.) She has been a coach to me these past few weeks. Walking alongside me in my healing journey. Again, the importance of a tribe, it’s life giving.

My life is full of good things. I have so much to share and so much that I want to do. I’m determined, now more than ever, to become the most vibrant, whole Alicia that I can.

I’m also determined to rock out the work that I’m called to. Some of that starts here. I’m looking forward to speaking my truth even louder and encouraging you to do the same. There is so much life to be lived. Why live it half way?

 

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In The Hills of Kentucky

 

Last weekend I was blessed to go to Clear Creek   My friend Angie brainstormed that we should pack up  for a girls’ weekend and go. It was the first time I was able to “get away” in 7 months. And what happened was a magical transformation. Here’s a peak at my 750words this week after returning. I struggled with whether this was the best content for Milagro Girl’s and then in re-reading it I realized it was exactly right for this space.

“I feel so much stronger as a woman. I feel youthful. I drove 6 hours to Kentucky. I set up my tent and peed in an outhouse. I walked in the pitch dark to use the bathroom. I didn’t obsess about spiders and bugs and snakes. I hauled all of my stuff out of the hills in a wagon. I am strong and pure. My heart is full at the kindness of the people. Their souls are strong and grounded. They know who they are and where they came from. The know what matters and it isn’t facebook and twitter accounts. They wear their clothes comfortably, like they were born in them. Their beauty shines brightly.

Today I feel teary and emotional. I feel overwhelmed with what I own and where to go. I want to pass the truth to my children and I don’t know how. I want simplicity more than anything. I want to cling to simpleness and goodness. I want to play my banjo and hoop all day. I want to read good books and sew belts with fabric pouches. I want to fire dance and sleep under the stars. I want to eat real food and drink creek water. I want to shower on the side of the mountain and be surrounded by the lush greenness of it all.

Clear Creek was an unexpected gem. It was impulsive to go, so we could hear Rising Appalachia. Friday night, when we learned they wouldn’t be there I didn’t really know how I felt. But as the weekend wore on I realized that it didn’t matter. And then soon I forgot why I had come, because I ended up learning things that I hadn’t expected. I went looking for something and what I found was a more true me.

And now how to bring that into my life. I’ve often come back from a spiritual experience and crashed. I come home on a high and then have no idea how to incorporate that into my practical life. I don’t feel like that this time. I feel changed, not simply escalated. I feel more grounded and solid. And mostly I just don’t know how to say what I feel.

A piece of me now longs for Kentucky. But the gypsy in me knows that I don’t want to live in a house all year long somewhere. Yet. I need the freedom to go. However I long for the simplicity of what it was there. I long for days with no cell phone and no internet. I long to walk away from facebook and being available to every one all the time. I long to be more present in the things that matter and to see my life right here right now with both my eyes and not feeling pulled to check my email or respond instantly to a text.

I want to sing and dance.  I want to not care at all what anyone thinks. I want to love my body and all that it is. I want to grow my dreads and smoke a cigar once in a while. I want to laugh so hard. I want to be passionate about what matters, the earth and the water. I want to not obsess about organic shampoo and to fill myself with real food that matters. I want to be full of passion and fire. I want to have conversations that stir others and myself. I want to be less afraid. And more true. I want to buy less stuff and live more. I want to connect deeper and sing louder. I want to say what I believe loudly, but to also walk in kindness and love.

I want less TV and more Jane Eyre. I want a leather book to fill up with my words and my life. I want to consume less and produce more. I want to smile at my family and cry with strangers. I want more positive to flow from my mouth. I want to speak less judgement and more Om. I want to be uninhibited and more alive. I want to think about these things more and I want to surround myself with people who feel this way. I want to open up my arms and embrace this change.”