Last weekend I was blessed to go to Clear Creek My friend Angie brainstormed that we should pack up for a girls’ weekend and go. It was the first time I was able to “get away” in 7 months. And what happened was a magical transformation. Here’s a peak at my 750words this week after returning. I struggled with whether this was the best content for Milagro Girl’s and then in re-reading it I realized it was exactly right for this space.
“I feel so much stronger as a woman. I feel youthful. I drove 6 hours to Kentucky. I set up my tent and peed in an outhouse. I walked in the pitch dark to use the bathroom. I didn’t obsess about spiders and bugs and snakes. I hauled all of my stuff out of the hills in a wagon. I am strong and pure. My heart is full at the kindness of the people. Their souls are strong and grounded. They know who they are and where they came from. The know what matters and it isn’t facebook and twitter accounts. They wear their clothes comfortably, like they were born in them. Their beauty shines brightly.
Today I feel teary and emotional. I feel overwhelmed with what I own and where to go. I want to pass the truth to my children and I don’t know how. I want simplicity more than anything. I want to cling to simpleness and goodness. I want to play my banjo and hoop all day. I want to read good books and sew belts with fabric pouches. I want to fire dance and sleep under the stars. I want to eat real food and drink creek water. I want to shower on the side of the mountain and be surrounded by the lush greenness of it all.
Clear Creek was an unexpected gem. It was impulsive to go, so we could hear Rising Appalachia. Friday night, when we learned they wouldn’t be there I didn’t really know how I felt. But as the weekend wore on I realized that it didn’t matter. And then soon I forgot why I had come, because I ended up learning things that I hadn’t expected. I went looking for something and what I found was a more true me.
And now how to bring that into my life. I’ve often come back from a spiritual experience and crashed. I come home on a high and then have no idea how to incorporate that into my practical life. I don’t feel like that this time. I feel changed, not simply escalated. I feel more grounded and solid. And mostly I just don’t know how to say what I feel.
A piece of me now longs for Kentucky. But the gypsy in me knows that I don’t want to live in a house all year long somewhere. Yet. I need the freedom to go. However I long for the simplicity of what it was there. I long for days with no cell phone and no internet. I long to walk away from facebook and being available to every one all the time. I long to be more present in the things that matter and to see my life right here right now with both my eyes and not feeling pulled to check my email or respond instantly to a text.
I want to sing and dance. I want to not care at all what anyone thinks. I want to love my body and all that it is. I want to grow my dreads and smoke a cigar once in a while. I want to laugh so hard. I want to be passionate about what matters, the earth and the water. I want to not obsess about organic shampoo and to fill myself with real food that matters. I want to be full of passion and fire. I want to have conversations that stir others and myself. I want to be less afraid. And more true. I want to buy less stuff and live more. I want to connect deeper and sing louder. I want to say what I believe loudly, but to also walk in kindness and love.
I want less TV and more Jane Eyre. I want a leather book to fill up with my words and my life. I want to consume less and produce more. I want to smile at my family and cry with strangers. I want more positive to flow from my mouth. I want to speak less judgement and more Om. I want to be uninhibited and more alive. I want to think about these things more and I want to surround myself with people who feel this way. I want to open up my arms and embrace this change.”
my heart hears your heart. thank you
Amen. And amen. Love you, my adventure partner..
I still don’t ‘miss’ Bihar, except for the kids… but I do miss the simplicity of it, and you just spoke that well. I love being able to connect easily to friends and family again, but I miss not having to think about e-mail so much because I couldn’t get online anyway. I love being able to walk down the street and choose from Thai, Mexican, Chinese or Nepali, and get a good cappucino. But I miss not having to think about what to eat because I didn’t have a kitchen or restaurant and someone was making some kind of curry and rice and dal and chai with fresh milk. I love being able to keep up with the news easily, and miss not having a clue.
The funniest thing people would ask me is, “Aren’t you bored? What about entertainment?” I don’t even know how to answer that… Bored? I don’t know what boredom is. I pray all the choices I have now don’t ever bring me back to the bondage of having to be ‘entertained’.
This is why I’m coming to you with questions;) this is exactly how I feel!
I was born a curly-headed, gypsy-footed, wild child in Kentucky. I never truly felt at home amongst her people, but running wild through the woods, creeks…now, that was home to me. I moved around Kentucky several times, traveled around the country from infancy on, but I left Kentucky for good almost three years ago. It wasn’t six months of palm trees, pine trees and sand in coastal Georgia before I longed for that lush greenery of Kentucky. I miss the seasons. I miss the simplicity of rural Kentucky. So, my gypsy sights are set on Virginia now. I think it offers the best of both worlds for our family. It will take about a year to move, and I know that all those feelings you describe will be gnawing at my consciousness until then, but it is peaceful to know that I am heading back to the landscape I belong in. (oh, and our county in Ky was settled by Virginians, which I never knew until recently)
I never heard of this festival, but now that you have shined a light on it, I would love to be there next year…
peace, friend
“speak less judgement & more OM.”
oh, A! this post is perfect. <3 to you.
i love thinking of you two forging your way to the simple ways.
i feel this way so often. my life being so far from this path.
but i work slowly to get there.
so happy you found a little piece of happiness.
beautiful,beautiful,beautiful!
so needed this tonight
Oh what a wonderful, beautiful post! Can’t wait to browse this site further. I love all the wisdom you share within your real/raw words.
blessed mountains heal, for simple life of nature and as the trees hold grounding and gather as a tribe
Of love and light… May you make way on path which aligns your intentions and may you live life holding all experience as blessed gift from creator to align with the highest good… Keep traveling and experiencing and know you are blessed !!! Jai Ma!
I felt this same way after returning from a trip to Lancaster County, PA. Some things I was able to successfully incorporate into my life and others, not so much. But I wonder as women, we seem to yearn for the same things. I quit Facebook, then returned to it….why? I put away my computer vowing to take it out only after 9pm, but it has made it’s way back into my day….why? I vowed to be more present in my own life, but there are times i hear my children ask for me more than once…why? This post is exactly what I needed to refresh my vows. Change is hard and lasting change is harder. I am glad I discovered your blog and this post.
beautiful. love all your “wants.”
It’s quite late here in Italy and I’m too tired to read and mostly fully understand now, tomorrow I will soak in this blog and read through it and I’m sure I will get food for thoughts, and for my heart and soul.
I’m so happy I’ve found you here 
Thank you for sharing your heart.
Flavia
Your words are so whimsical and comforting. I love your message. We should all love ourselves. If not we cannot love others!
Love it. I have been striving for simplicity in the past year as well. I hate all the rush and the junk that cloggs our lives, and still it seems hard to break free. Thanks!
I get it. I grew up in the Rocky Mountain West and spend each day haunted by those snow-capped peaks. They continue to call me home.
I’m new to your blog but oh you speak the words of my own heart. Love love love this post.
“I want to not obsess about organic shampoo and to fill myself with real food that matters. I want to be full of passion and fire. I want to have conversations that stir others and myself. I want to be less afraid. And more true. I want to buy less stuff and live more. I want to connect deeper and sing louder. I want to say what I believe loudly, but to also walk in kindness and love.
I want less TV and more Jane Eyre. I want a leather book to fill up with my words and my life. I want to consume less and produce more. I want to smile at my family and cry with strangers. I want more positive to flow from my mouth. I want to speak less judgement and more Om. I want to be uninhibited and more alive. I want to think about these things more and I want to surround myself with people who feel this way. I want to open up my arms and embrace this change.”
Thank you for stating so exactly and beautifully what has been budding inside of me. Such a longing to simplify. To turn off the TV and fill my time with simple and satisfying pursuits like canning homegrown tomatoes with MPR playing softly in the background. To lean over the kitchen sink, inhaling the intoxicating scent of spring air wafting through the window and remember how I longed for this during the winter months. To be mindful of how I spend money because essentially it’s just more stuff and maybe it isn’t needed. There is such a peace in owning little and yet appreciating the little and enjoying the small things that we cannot buy or own. What a beautiful world in which we live and sad that we work so hard to distract ourselves from the little miracles that happen daily.