Last weekend I was blessed to go to Clear Creek My friend Angie brainstormed that we should pack up for a girls’ weekend and go. It was the first time I was able to “get away” in 7 months. And what happened was a magical transformation. Here’s a peak at my 750words this week after returning. I struggled with whether this was the best content for Milagro Girl’s and then in re-reading it I realized it was exactly right for this space.
“I feel so much stronger as a woman. I feel youthful. I drove 6 hours to Kentucky. I set up my tent and peed in an outhouse. I walked in the pitch dark to use the bathroom. I didn’t obsess about spiders and bugs and snakes. I hauled all of my stuff out of the hills in a wagon. I am strong and pure. My heart is full at the kindness of the people. Their souls are strong and grounded. They know who they are and where they came from. The know what matters and it isn’t facebook and twitter accounts. They wear their clothes comfortably, like they were born in them. Their beauty shines brightly.
Today I feel teary and emotional. I feel overwhelmed with what I own and where to go. I want to pass the truth to my children and I don’t know how. I want simplicity more than anything. I want to cling to simpleness and goodness. I want to play my banjo and hoop all day. I want to read good books and sew belts with fabric pouches. I want to fire dance and sleep under the stars. I want to eat real food and drink creek water. I want to shower on the side of the mountain and be surrounded by the lush greenness of it all.
Clear Creek was an unexpected gem. It was impulsive to go, so we could hear Rising Appalachia. Friday night, when we learned they wouldn’t be there I didn’t really know how I felt. But as the weekend wore on I realized that it didn’t matter. And then soon I forgot why I had come, because I ended up learning things that I hadn’t expected. I went looking for something and what I found was a more true me.
And now how to bring that into my life. I’ve often come back from a spiritual experience and crashed. I come home on a high and then have no idea how to incorporate that into my practical life. I don’t feel like that this time. I feel changed, not simply escalated. I feel more grounded and solid. And mostly I just don’t know how to say what I feel.
A piece of me now longs for Kentucky. But the gypsy in me knows that I don’t want to live in a house all year long somewhere.
Yet. I need the freedom to go. However I long for the simplicity of what it was there. I long for days with no cell phone and no internet. I long to walk away from facebook and being available to every one all the time. I long to be more present in the things that matter and to see my life right here right now with both my eyes and not feeling pulled to check my email or respond instantly to a text.
I want to sing and dance. I want to not care at all what anyone thinks. I want to love my body and all that it is. I want to grow my dreads and smoke a cigar once in a while. I want to laugh so hard. I want to be passionate about what matters, the earth and the water. I want to not obsess about organic shampoo and to fill myself with real food that matters. I want to be full of passion and fire. I want to have conversations that stir others and myself. I want to be less afraid. And more true. I want to buy less stuff and live more. I want to connect deeper and sing louder. I want to say what I believe loudly, but to also walk in kindness and love.
I want less TV and more Jane Eyre. I want a leather book to fill up with my words and my life. I want to consume less and produce more. I want to smile at my family and cry with strangers. I want more positive to flow from my mouth. I want to speak less judgement and more Om. I want to be uninhibited and more alive. I want to think about these things more and I want to surround myself with people who feel this way. I want to open up my arms and embrace this change.”