Milagro Girl

There is so much goodness swirling around in my world lately. I want to bottle it up and hang it on a red strand around my neck. To carry it always and pull it out when I need it.

So I’m burrowing it here. For me and for you. Enjoy.

This field guide. It’s no secret that I have a huge girl crush on Marybeth. I want to move into her yurt in the summers and walk through the woods with her. When she asked me to be a part of this I swooned. When it landed in my inbox…. I fell hard in love with each girl who shares in it’s space. Go now. Draw a bath, grab your iPad and settle in. The water will grow cold and your heart will be full and warm.

Last Spring after my scare with my heart I joined in with a cleanse that Stephanie was doing. It was the most beautiful experience. It was like no cleanse I had done before. I even hesitate to call it that because we have so many notions attached to it. It was a gentle kind loving experience. It drew me deeper into myself, deeper into love with myself and my relationship with what I eat and how I care for myself. I’ve since been able to connect with her a bit more and I love her even more now. I can’t wait for her Dream Maintenance Plan. These words alone drew me in…. “Together, over 10 days we will indulge in beautiful, nourishing food. Self care practices that are simple and effective. We will open ourselves to new perspectives and a bit of inner excavation. All of which ultimately leads us closer to a deeply rooted way of being.” We’re starting Monday and sign up closes on Friday. Join us?

More delightful things…

Say what you want about Beyonce but this article summed it up for me.

My friend Katie introduced me to this music this week. It’s been on constant repeat around here.

This project… it stirs my mama heart. Every week the images move me. Deeply.

My word for this year is sacred. Sacred. I have so much that I’m going to share about this. Walking into it gently. January was sacred release for me. Letting go of what I don’t want to carry into this year. Letting go of the things that I could no longer carry. Including forgiveness. I’ve had to release so much in this area. It’s deep deep work.  These words …”Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different”~ Oprah Winfrey, helped me to see it in a new way.

Much love to each of you as you move through this month.

 

This is a bit of a different post for me but I’ve had some inquiries and I thought it might be good to share what I’ve learned so far in my own hair journey. And I loaded this post with photos, just for fun.

It has been 15 months since I cut my dreads off. I was ready at that point, it was so good and I felt so fresh and new. You can read more about that here.  When I cut them off I didn’t really have a plan. I was really tempted to shave them right away but it took a month before I got to that place, fully. Shaving them was seriously one of the most powerful moments in my life. I felt so brave and strong and true to who I am. I have never regretted that moment and I can see doing it again at some point in my life.

After shaving it I didn’t feel like I wanted to continue keeping it short and so I set out with the intention to let it grow. This last year has been a process of that and I want to share some of it with you. It’s been fun to look back and see all that changed physically AND mentally in this growing out process. For me, hair holds power and symbolism and I’ve found that true especially in shaving and then growing it and now having dreads again.

For the first four months after shaving I didn’t trim it or color it at all. I let it do it’s thing and would run my hands through it several times a day just to feel the freedom in that. We spent some of this time in Florida where it was warm and I’d wear a baseball cap sometimes but mostly I just let it be.

When we got to Wisconsin it was cold and I spent the next few months in a hat. I even slept in one because my head was so freaking cold. It did help to just be able to put on a hat and not think about it growing or even styling etc.

In March I got my first trim. I told my stylist that I was growing it out and just needed a little attention to the beginnings of it looking like a q~tip. At this point it was just basically a pixie cut. When it would start to get unruly I’d add a little coconut oil to the palms of my hands and warm it, then rub it just on the wild stray parts.

In May I bleached it again and went back to platinum. I did it myself like I have in the past and continued to just let it do it’s thing. It got wild and I just embraced that. It felt good to let it do it’s own thing, I think that’s one of the best lessons I’ve learned in having dreads AND growing it out. Don’t fight what it wants to do.

In this middle stage I started to use a lot of clips, bobby pins and headbands. Sometimes I would just twist the bangs back and secure them with a couple bobby pins, criss crossed.  I also love headbands. I love stretchy fabric ones and thin ones that you can wear boho style. It’s also really fun to tie a bandana with the ties up on top.

Again I waited as long as possible in between trims. When I would want to cut it all off I would go into my pinterest and look at photos of the hair that I was working towards. I started a board on pinterest called “growing out my hair” and I’d spend time adding pins to it. It helps to remember that every person who has ever had short hair and then grown it out has had days where they thought it was never going to happen. It’s a sisterhood really

During the whole time of growing it out I would wash it about once a week. I have done the no poo thing about 10 years ago but after having dreads I just really wanted lather and shampoo. I used an organic shampoo that smells like lemon and I used the tiniest amount. That bottle lasted me almost a year. After bleaching it I did use conditioner but I hadn’t before that. Again, a small amount was all I needed.

In October I was able to get my hair into two tiny pigtails. There was much rejoicing.

In December I got my hair cut again. When I went to the salon I was actually in a cut it all off mood. However I persevered and told her that I only wanted a trim. The mullet was getting a little out of control at this point. It felt good to have it trimmed and I knew that I could push thru after this stage.

That was six weeks ago. Last week my hair was long enough that I felt ready to dread it again. I may leave the dreads in for a long while or it may just be a part of the growing out stage. I also dyed my hair a bit darker blonde and have let the gray in my roots stay. For now. We’ll see what happens. (No photos of this yet

I’ve learned a lot about myself thru this process. And in looking back through the photos I realized that I really have loved most of the whole growing out process. It’s been good. It’s taught me to to be kind to myself and that you can always throw on a hat. It’s taught me that while there is a lot of power in your hair and how you wear it, it does not define you.

If you’re in process with you hair and have any questions I’d love to help. If you’ve come through this stage OR if you’ve decided you’re never going to grow it out, I’d love to hear about your journey too.

Much love.

 

 

 

I realize that this space has been quiet. This isn’t an apology for that. It’s been exactly what it’s needed to be these last couple months. Quiet, still, reflective.

I spent November writing a novel, but I also spent it away from facebook. I learned so very much about myself through both of those things. December found me getting myself reintegrating with facebook and deciding what I wanted from there. I’m finding myself changed these last few months. Dramatically changed. Some of it is intentional and obvious, some of it is subtle and catches me off guard. But all of it, all of it is good.

I’ve always loved the internet. I love information. I love connection. I love exploration. It has given me all of that and more. It has literally changed my life, most of it for the better, but there are pieces of the love story that just aren’t that shiny anymore. It became really obvious each time I took an extended break from facebook or pieces of the world wide web.

When I disconnected from online I found myself more connected in person. I had coffee dates and martini nights. I made things with my hands, I read books, I wrote novels. I had more passionate sex. I felt more alive. I purged my closet. I nested. I found the wall around my heart lower and more easy to climb. The words that flowed that month would take me away and sweep me into them. It was magical.

Coming back in December felt good, for a moment. But then I saw the old habits reappear. I saw myself again on the couch too long drifting away from what was in front of me. I had an epiphany one night while I was standing in the shower. I would simply leave social media. I even considered dropping our internet at home. (gasp) The next morning I found myself in deep conversation with my friend Rachael. I heard her say “me too” when I told her about my desire to leave the world of online social media. Later I talked with my friend Angie and again, the “me too” crossed through the miles between us.

I sat with the idea through Christmas and these last few days and I have not yet arrived on what I want. However I’ve gotten clarity on so much. I cut my facebook friends list from over 400 to less than 200. I made my instagram private. I cleaned out my google reader to only the blogs that fuel my fire. I unsubscribed to almost every email newsletter and to all sales pitches. I am weary from the amount of email that I get where someone is selling me something. I just want more real raw connection and I’m not finding it so much on the web, it’s buried under free ebooks and “please create an account.”

It may not be the thing to say. Marketing experts would probably say that I’m an idiot for saying these words in a space where I want to bring income in. I’m just so disenchanted with so much of it.

The great thing about being confronted with discovering what you don’t want any more of, is that you come face to face with what you do want. For me it looks like this.

I want to sit around a table with women, who are passionate about making a difference in their homes and out in the world. Women who want to build and flourish, because they are grounded in who they are and what they know to be true.

I want conversations that last into the night. Deep beautiful conversations. Conversations filled with spirit seeking and deep love.

I want belly laughs. The kind that my six year has, uninhibited, no restraints.

I want to care what no one thinks. No one. Not even you.

I want more sacredness. More rituals. More holy moments. I want more yoga. More candles.

I want to love myself even deeper. So much so that I can walk into each day and know that I will be ok if it’s just me, just as I am, at the end of the day.

I want delicious whole real food. That I’ve made with my loves swirling around me. I want to savor it, to make eating an act of holiness on it’s own. I want deep red wine that warms me from the inside out.

I want to spill more words. To not wait until they are spilling over to give them the attention and the voice but to recognize them on impact.

I want to have a closet of a few simple lovely things. So that no matter what I put on, it feels like an extension of my insides. I want more black eyeliner and crazy wild hair.

I’m not content to fill my days with things that don’t matter anymore. I want more and I want less.